So this is what you meant, when you said that you were spent?

Last night a group of ladies and I talked about some of the harsh realities of motherhood. It was funny, we all kind of agreed it was hard to read those blogs about perfect moms with perfect kids that craft, bake and never leave the house in sweatpants. If you came for that here, keep on moving.

I recently started following this chick on instagram. She coordinates cheetah print with chevron and it works, her house is decorated like a darling French Villa, she owns a small business, her kids are darling little cherubs, she can rock a pixie cut,  and she gets at least 317 likes on each picture she posts. How is it fair that one person gets it all? How can one person have each divine quality that I struggle to maintain even one?

Revelation comes in interesting ways. What I thought to be perfection really isn't so. We really all feel inadequate. We all find our children to be "inconveniences" at some point or another. We go bra less. That pinterest craft that we thought was awesome was a complete failure. We let our kids eat fruit snacks and a sucker for breakfast. But in the end life moves on.

I guess this week has just been a particularly rough one. Mckinley is completely irrational and is really pushing the boundaries with listening. She no longer sleeps in her bed but is crashed out on the couch almost every morning. Kingston is entering the terrible twos which we all knows leads to the awful threes and even-worse fours. My calling stresses me out. I never feel like I do enough. My cuticles are paying the price. My playroom smells like pee. I feel the frump from not being able to run and eating WAY too much crap. I can't sleep. I feel pressure and stress from my job. I still have to clean. Cook. Grocery shop. And all of this compounded with coming off almost two weeks of the flu for the whole Williamson house.

Epiphany. In the end it's all about expectations. What do I expect from my four year old-who is just that FOUR? What do I expect from myself as a full time, working mom? What do I expect my house to look like after two young kids with WAY too many toys have been playing all day? What am I expecting when I try to brave Target with two small kids and spend too much time perusing the clothes? How do I expect to feel when I stay up way too late watching Teen Mom & Project Runway?

Ultimately- this anxiety is totally self inflicted. It's about controlling the controllables. I can choose to be happy with this chaos called life. I can choose to let the mess, the naked 4 year old and the never ending explosion known as the toy room define my life OR I can add it all up, file it away and remember that someday it will all be a distant memory and hopefully, my kids will think their lives growing up were almost perfect. almost.  

Split ends.

Mckinley's hair has never been cut. Her hair, from conception, has been left to nature and let's be honest, nature has been good. She really has THE most beautiful hair. Well, at four years old, we finally decided to even out the ends. My sweet SIL Kamille came over and leveled off the ends- only about an inch, but when I held it in my hands it seemed like so much. Again, one of those "firsts" that are over in a split second. The comb goes through smoother, it's easier to wash and there aren't as many stragglers when we Alex does a braid. But, most people wouldn't even notice.

For a moment, it made me a little sad. It's just a haircut. The one of many I am sure but in the end, it was a first that is over. And we move on now to firsts that are a lot less simple like the conversation last week about lady parts ("What are those?" poke poke). I much rather prefer the haircut and explaining why we can't have ramen noodles for breakfast.

Hair like spun silk the color of gold.

 

 

The big girl held super still & wasn't scared at all.

Merry Creeesmas!

It seems that the older we get, the faster the holidays are here and gone. My tree is down, decorations reboxed and all my 50% off Christmas wrappings are tucked away for next year. This was a stellar year as far as the "magic" goes however. Mc was mesmerized by the empty cookie plate & the nibbled carrots. She loved opening presents, was excited to whack the pinata at the Ellison party and ultimately, made me stop and think, about how much longer we really have until she no longer believes.

 

Kingston cared more about Mc's toys rather than his own. Learned to say "I don't want to" over the break and went to his first official Sunday solo, in Nursery. While Mc wasn't much for separation anxiety, we fear, Kingston has mastered the art of the body cling when we try to set him down and leave. He cries every time the door opens and usually ends up on the leader's lap.

 

Mark and I both had the week off of work and we decided to spend some time remodeling (more on that to follow). I got a facial, Mark got some quality garage time, we stayed up WAY too late watching Harry Potter and lounging in jammies, saw Les Mis, went to breakfast with Grandma Cookie & Grandpa Donut and soaked up the time not rushing to work.

 

We are truly blessed. We have so much. We were spoiled by family and again, are so grateful to live so close to those that love us most.

 

My fans await.

It was awesome to get to see Mc perform formally for the first time in her life. She did a great job with her preschool Christmas program. At first she was nervous that everyone would "laugh at her" (said in the most exasperated, Starlet tone of voice) but she was SO excited once she was there with her friends.



Pre-show. I love that she has pulled her pants up ALL the way around her knees.

Papa brought her a flower for doing such an awesome job.

Mimi, Papa & Alex came to support her.

This year of her being in school has been pretty fun. She loves it! Her teachers are sweet and loving and God bless them for having the patience to teach 12, 3-4 year olds. I love being able to watch Mc learn new things, make friends and see her talents and abilities (mainly chatting it up with ANYONE-I see a repeat of my childhood) develop.

in the details.

This past week has truly showed me the divine power of the Lord in my life. I have been serving in the Young Womens for my church (we get the privilege to work with the girls ages 12-18 every Wed & Sunday) for almost 3 years and have loved it. I was first an advisor- teaching every other week. Then I was called to the Presidency to serve as the Secretary. I took on more responsibility- birthdays, newsletters, and ensuring that we had scheduled meetings monthly. I loved the women I worked with. A few of the women I had been diligently serving with had been working with the girls for 4 years and with a new Bishop, I knew changes were bound to happen.

When I got the call on a Sunday to meet with the Bishop on Tuesday, the wheels starting turning. Would I stay in Young Womens? What about Relief Society? Mark and I sat across from the Bishop and as he challenged me to have faith and issued my call as President, I kind of had to replay it in my head. I almost cried as the, "I knew it was coming" spewed out. In that moment, I was given the sacred privilege and stewardship over these girls. They are mine. Their salvation at this pivotal point in their lives turns to me, my advisors and counselors as their mentors and examples.

Then came the true testimony building. I knew I needed to select valiant women to help me keep this program moving and who would love and devote all they had to these girls. The Bishop wanted to make the changes fairly quickly which didn't give me much time to select the women I would be serving with- like we are talking 24 hours. That night, I prayed, fasted the next day and sought guidance from the Lord. Clarity came as it never has in my life.

I knew one of the women, my first counselor, who was currently serving with me, would stay. She works with the youth for her career and has an amazingly empathetic and uplifting demeanor. There was no question I needed her.

My second counselor was a woman I had never met. She was new to the ward and I knew very little about her. I knew her name and that she had served at Brighton camp, served a mission and that was pretty much it. Her excitement to be with the girls was undeniable and her "I will be here EVERY week", sealed the deal for me.

The girl woman I chose for secretary is a mere 22 years old. I also knew her name but for some reason she was on my radar.  She had been assigned as one of the sisters I was to visit teach and I had heard her speak in church about her degree program (same as mine) and that she did some sort of event planning. As I heard her bare her testimony Sunday about helping the girls "find your Prince Charmings" and "build relationships with your moms and dads", I knew that she would have the power to reach the girls the way no one else could.

I was supposed to find two advisors as well. One of them, a sweetheart that is currently still teaching. Her lessons are powerful, current and no nonsense. She gets it. She was a keeper.

I struggled with the last advisor's name. I had a list that I had made after scrolling through the ward directory but nothing was really standing out. I prayed about it. Kept thinking about a few names the Bishop had shared and I just wasn't feeling it. Then, as I was sitting there one day during work, I got the feeling to call "Jessica's roommate". I had seen her at church maybe once but I knew that I needed to call her. I sent the Bishop a text (plainly stating "What about Jessica's roommate?) and the call was made.

As I met this final woman I had called tonight, there was no doubt in my mind that I had made the right choice. She shared with me that she had served as an advisor four times in the 15 years she has been in a family ward. She had served a mission and she was excited to serve.

I learned again, that the Lord is irrevocably in the details. He knows these women. He knew that they would have a massive impact on these girls and could help uplift and support me in one of the scariest things I have done. He knew before I did whom he would call and I am honored that I could be the instrument.

I was sad to lose our sweet President. She was a rooter for the underdog. Always saw both sides. Constantly striving for the positive  with an unshakable testimony. My beloved friend, the previous 2nd counselor was the yin to my yang. She has taught me so much about service. I have never met someone who was 100% willing to give and do anything that was asked of her despite her own needs and family. Our previous 2nd advisor was a true woman of faith and perseverance. An exemplar mother who made a mean hand out and was good with the bribes.

I only hope that I can help mold these girls into the types of women I have been able to serve with. I am indefinitely the one that is the most blessed by being surrounded by these stalwart women and beautful girls.

Ether 12:27
"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto mean weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for it they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Sandy Claus

I seriously love this Santa. I have mentioned before (last year Christmas post), this is the same Santa that I remember when I was younger. He has been "Father Christmas" at the Dickens Festival since it opened. He is definitely no mall Santa. Real beard. Real chuckle. As real as it gets.

Kingston wasn't too sure how he felt about sitting on his lap and in typical Mark fashion- remained emotionless in the face of uncertainty. Mckinley is almost identical to last year- hands neatly clasped in her lap and the cherubic smile gracing her face. She was pretty funny when it came time to tell Santa what she wanted. She has been telling me & rehearsing for weeks what she would say when Santa asked her the BIG question. She seriously drew a blank -think "Christmas Story". Just as she was about to be taken off his lap, she hurriedly shared her desire for an Ariel doll, jammies and a Sleeping Beauty doll. Santa took the time to clarify she wanted an Ariel with a tail and that she had to leave him some cookies on Christmas Eve.

Sure love these babies and love getting the chance to see them get just as excited as I did to talk to Santa.

Get on your bikes and ride!

Mark restored this Trail 90 for me almost three years ago for Christmas.  I was so excited & kind of nervous to ride it. Truth be told, my brain can't wrap around the concept of a clutch. It is too much for me to think about switching gears, turning, changing radio stations- hence why a stick shift car is out of the question. Anyway, I take the bike out Christmas morning, feeling confident in first gear, headed out to a road behind our house and crashed. Bike was ok but I ended up in the ER with a bone contusion. So really, that was the end of me riding for a while.
This last week at work, they asked us to submit a New Years resolution. We all know right where your brain goes- lose weight, eat less, watch less TV, shower everyday...you know, the biggies. Well, frankly, I think this year, I need to do something a little scary. Something that makes me a little uncomfortable. I want to get my motorcycle endorsement. I want to learn the "feeling" that apparently naturally comes when gears need to be changed  plus, the "cool points" from the Hubs would be a bonus. So keep an eye out- this hot momma is ready to get this boss hog back on the road.