the Gorge 2015

Flaming Gorge 1993

Fast forward to 2015, bigger trailers and older kids. We ventured to the same spot again over the July 4th weekend. I can remember still- watermelon staying cold in the stream, dirty kids, campfires and freedom. This trip wasn't much different except it was my own kids and my parents were the grandparents. 

While we aren't campers by nature the lure of a roof and toilet hosted by my parents, wasn't such a bad idea. Mc slept in the tent with the Thomases while Mark, the boys and I stayed in the trailer. The weather was excellent- except for the downpour on the pontoon. Late night campfire movie quoting, lots of treats, playing in the dirt, trips to the lodge, chasing chirping squirrels from the campground at 5 AM,  and being phone free for a few days.

Mc had a blast with Brynlee. They made a secret hideout and hid bones, flowers and bugs there. She loved to explore, go fishing and sit by the fire. It was fun letting her stay up late, having her sit on my lap and telling stories about Grandma MaryAnn's cat Ted and how he became so mean. We made flower crowns, colored, watched movies and played. 

Kingston loved the dirt and was the first to fall in the stream and get his only pair of closed toed shoes wet. He was perfectly content to wear his flip flops the rest of the trip. He loved finding sticks, eating nothing but junk food most days and being able to roam free.  He had a new fishing pole from his birthday and loved to fish! I learned to just put him to bed in his clothes for the next day so he could just get up and head out without making a fuss in the morning.

Enzo was a trooper! We thought (about an hour away from the Gorge) that we had forgotten the Pack N Play and the Shopko (the only store for miles and miles) didn't have one. Mark did remember to put it in the truck and Mom (bless her heart) brought the highchair so we were set. He did well to nap in the trailer and took a snooze on the boat too.

Sticks and dirt.

Shooting the BB gun with daddy.

Head wreaths are so in right now.

Mimi and Enzo

Another favorite of the trip was being able to pee outside.

Like a boss- celebrating your ONE year birthday!

One bonus of being the baby- the only one of us to get a bath the whole trip.

Not so happy about wearing the life vest. Obviously.

Bree earning her keep- 5 fish later and dinner was served!

On the last day, Mc left flowers and a note: "Welcome to Flaming Gorge. Hello campers."

The crew

The crew part 2 with mom- The Thomases are the most photogenic :)

Boom Clap- the sound of my Littles turning 4!

Oh my, Kingston Grant. It seemed like you would NEVER grow out of being a three year old. And, now you are four. You are my early riser- 5:45 AM with a, "Mom..is it time for breakfast yet?" with your hot morning breath as close to my face as you can get. You love to play with friends. Play with Hot Wheels. Eat snacks. Watch shows. Eat more snacks. You still take naps. Love your monkey blanket. You are shy and reserved (complete opposite of Mc). You don't eat any food- unless it's nuggets or hot dogs or chips. You love cereal- no milk. Pizza- no sauce. You make friends wherever you go. You are stubborn and usually, Mom is the only one that can do ANY task for you (bath, pajamas, story, prayer, water, teeth brushing). Still love the Avengers, Transformers, Paw Patrol, Teen Titans Go!, and "shows on your bed" which is anything from Netflix. You are sweet. You are the middle child. You are the cutest little boy ever! We love you!

First time getting in Mimi's pool. You wouldn't even think about it last year so this was an improvement- even if you wouldn't get off the ladder. 

Party set up

Superhero cupcakes- I must say, I am REALLY glad there are women who do it first so I can just tag along and hit "print" without all the work on the front end. 

Shooting the Villain (Mark in a cape) with silly string at the party. 

All our superhero friends- Brielle Barson, Colton Sheffer, Lincoln Johnson, Cole Blackhurst and Molly Peterson. 

Fishing Pole!

Life-sized Optimus

His new "Hot Rod" bike- still not so great at pedaling. Or stopping. Or turning.  Or riding with his head up so he can see where he is going but that is one of the biggest benefits in having a summer birthday. Lots of time to practice.

Birthday at prek (actually the last day of prek was in May but they celebrated his since it's in the summer). Lots of goodies!

Monster truck cake

ten and 11

And, with that, we are a mere 17 days away from Enzo being O N E!! It seems like this time, round 3, it went WAY more quickly than with the other two. I guess with school schedules, summer, Dr appointments for Mark, work...life really, my baby slipped away sometime between July 2014 and now.

Enzo is such a happy kid! He is sleeping from 7 PM- 8 AM every night. Loves bath time, fruit pouches, being chased, watching Kingston, eating people food, playing with toys, making noise, making the scowl face, his binky, riding in the bike trailer, going up the stairs and taking things out of whatever containment they are in (drawers, the garbage, bins, baskets). Excited to see what this summer brings with swimming and being outside.

I think we just purchased our last container of formula. Ever. I stocked up on closeout Baby Magic at Smith's the other day and realized that smell will all too soon leave as well. Enzo desperately needs a haircut but I can't bear to cut it- that is the last teeny piece of my newborn. My last baby. My tiny boy. Such a sweetheart, a ray of sunshine and a blessing in our home.

Mc thought he needed a headband...with all that hair, a manbun isn't outside the realm of possibilities. 

One morning, Enzo woke up with, whatever this is. Didn't seem to bother him but was rather alarming to have your kid resemble Quasimodo for a few days. 

Standing up ALL the time. Isn't quite sure he wants to walk but he will pace around everything if he can hang on. 

Smooches through the glass at Mimi's. 

The hair. 

End of school year 2015

In a flash the school year of 2015 was over!

Mckinley finished her first year at Heartland Elementary- she was awarded the Husky Award and 100% for her Literacy and Math testing. She was SO excited to run to the front and claim her reward!

Kindergarten helped Mc to learn to love pizza. She learned to read ( reads signs and sounds out words every.where. we go). She learned to play pretend at a whole new level. Learned that kids can be different and that's ok. Learned to write stories and that small erasers are a most prized possession.

It has been so much watching her move into a "school kid". She loves to excel and I had so much fun volunteering in her class and seeing how she interacts in that environment.

With calloused hands from the monkey bars, 4 lost teeth and one more loose, and two more inches, this kid is ready to move on to First grade.

Winner, Winner Chicken Dinner!

Last Day of Kindergarten- we HAD to wear a dress. 

No more Kindergarten playground in the morning. 

Mckinley did the most reading in her grade and got to smash a pie in Ms L's face. Highlight of her life.

Mc and Ms Lebegue. We sure loved her!

The ever supportive Mimi and Papa- balloons and Hersheys, what else does she need?

This is just a tribute.

In February 2011, I wrote in my journal that I was afraid hiring a nanny would make me feel like less of a mother. I was worried that by having someone in my house every day things would be awkward, my kid (then just Mc and K on the way) would attach to this new person and forget me and, someone playing witness to my brand of crazy may or may not help me keep someone for the long term. Then Alexandria came along. It was actually divine intervention from the start. In January, I had mentioned I wanted someone to come and help me with Mc who had taken to eating things from the garbage and ruining everything in her path while I tried to work a full time/at home job. My sister in law mentioned my niece had a friend who may be looking to transition from another family in February. I had checked Care.com, looked at various ads online and was still skeptical about finding someone- all the while, in my head developing this ideal that NO ONE could possible live up to. I couldn't have been more wrong. She started coming every day. Learned our routine. Learned to decipher three year old Mc's tantrums and was there when Kingston was born. Two kids later, Alex stuck around through tantrums, through me deciding that answering the door for her in my robe was acceptable.There when the kids puked and peed on her. Enzo was born. Alex is still a daily standard in our life. Mc goes to school. K goes to school. Alex is still here.

But today, today is the last day of Alex being "here".

During the last few months, there were a few days where all I could say to myself was, "If I can make it to 7:15, just until Alex gets here, I can make it through today." She helped me to get up, to show up and she was the boost that I needed during the darkest days of my life to save face for my kids and keep the normalcy that had once existed. She came with a smile every day.

She taught them Gangum Style, made "Friday, Friday" our favorite day, genuinely laughed and played. Did crafts. Braided hair that could only be replicated by a machine. Dyed eggs. Sidewalk chalked. Worm hunted. Changed poopy bums (for ALL three of my kids). Folded laundry. Did dishes. Organized. Remembered when I couldn't. Sat through movies that were probably painful! Read books. Swam. Took them to the library. The Zoo. Brainstormed. Helped me to stay hip. Brought food, treats and toys. Chauffeured. Danced. Sang. Colored. Took K for a haircut. Sold me on the iPhone 6.  Convinced my children that Thor will be her husband. Valentines. Christmas. Easter. Constant.

What seemed like something in the beginning that made me feel like I would be less of a mother, actually morphed into the sheer perfection of balance that my life so needed. I could do more. I could feel like more of the person I wanted to be because I had someone that loved my kids and wanted what was best for them just as much as I did. I could volunteer in Mc's class. I could be there for my kids more than I could have ever been. I could hold it together. I could feel more accomplished. I could be the "superwoman" I never felt I could be because I had Alex.

So tomorrow, we wake up and life marches on. Life with just me, Mark and the kids. It makes me sad that Enzo won't get the years that Mc and K did. I will wake up and go to work without my daily gossip fest about the Kardashians or "My Strange Addiction". It will all work out and things will eventually fall back into the ebb and flow but, things will for sure never be the same.

Today, May 28, 2015 we said good bye. I didn't cry today (well not when she left) but, it's going to be hard. Selfishly hard. Today, Alex just moved from being "the nanny" to "family"- someone who is at Mc's Kindergarten graduation, Kingston's birthday, brings her boyfriends over for my approval, someone who still plays a huge role in who my kids are and always will be. We love you, Alex Anthony Williamson.

Huddled around the phone watching some video and laughing.

The Original Gangsters.