This is just a tribute.

In February 2011, I wrote in my journal that I was afraid hiring a nanny would make me feel like less of a mother. I was worried that by having someone in my house every day things would be awkward, my kid (then just Mc and K on the way) would attach to this new person and forget me and, someone playing witness to my brand of crazy may or may not help me keep someone for the long term. Then Alexandria came along. It was actually divine intervention from the start. In January, I had mentioned I wanted someone to come and help me with Mc who had taken to eating things from the garbage and ruining everything in her path while I tried to work a full time/at home job. My sister in law mentioned my niece had a friend who may be looking to transition from another family in February. I had checked Care.com, looked at various ads online and was still skeptical about finding someone- all the while, in my head developing this ideal that NO ONE could possible live up to. I couldn't have been more wrong. She started coming every day. Learned our routine. Learned to decipher three year old Mc's tantrums and was there when Kingston was born. Two kids later, Alex stuck around through tantrums, through me deciding that answering the door for her in my robe was acceptable.There when the kids puked and peed on her. Enzo was born. Alex is still a daily standard in our life. Mc goes to school. K goes to school. Alex is still here.

But today, today is the last day of Alex being "here".

During the last few months, there were a few days where all I could say to myself was, "If I can make it to 7:15, just until Alex gets here, I can make it through today." She helped me to get up, to show up and she was the boost that I needed during the darkest days of my life to save face for my kids and keep the normalcy that had once existed. She came with a smile every day.

She taught them Gangum Style, made "Friday, Friday" our favorite day, genuinely laughed and played. Did crafts. Braided hair that could only be replicated by a machine. Dyed eggs. Sidewalk chalked. Worm hunted. Changed poopy bums (for ALL three of my kids). Folded laundry. Did dishes. Organized. Remembered when I couldn't. Sat through movies that were probably painful! Read books. Swam. Took them to the library. The Zoo. Brainstormed. Helped me to stay hip. Brought food, treats and toys. Chauffeured. Danced. Sang. Colored. Took K for a haircut. Sold me on the iPhone 6.  Convinced my children that Thor will be her husband. Valentines. Christmas. Easter. Constant.

What seemed like something in the beginning that made me feel like I would be less of a mother, actually morphed into the sheer perfection of balance that my life so needed. I could do more. I could feel like more of the person I wanted to be because I had someone that loved my kids and wanted what was best for them just as much as I did. I could volunteer in Mc's class. I could be there for my kids more than I could have ever been. I could hold it together. I could feel more accomplished. I could be the "superwoman" I never felt I could be because I had Alex.

So tomorrow, we wake up and life marches on. Life with just me, Mark and the kids. It makes me sad that Enzo won't get the years that Mc and K did. I will wake up and go to work without my daily gossip fest about the Kardashians or "My Strange Addiction". It will all work out and things will eventually fall back into the ebb and flow but, things will for sure never be the same.

Today, May 28, 2015 we said good bye. I didn't cry today (well not when she left) but, it's going to be hard. Selfishly hard. Today, Alex just moved from being "the nanny" to "family"- someone who is at Mc's Kindergarten graduation, Kingston's birthday, brings her boyfriends over for my approval, someone who still plays a huge role in who my kids are and always will be. We love you, Alex Anthony Williamson.

Huddled around the phone watching some video and laughing.

The Original Gangsters.